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Those accusations were made in THIS THREAD.
In order to restore my good name and to make sure my friends, family and clientele continue to have faith in me, I felt the need to write this post explaining exactly how I care for computer hardware. I'm sure once you've read it, you will see my hardware woes have nothing to do with me and everything to do with a combination of bad luck and shoddy components.
The first thing I do when I return home with a new add-in board is clean the board vigorously by rubbing it on the carpet for about thirty seconds. Not only does this clean the printed circuit board, it has the added benefit of improving electrical conductivity through electrostatic discharge. It will also remove any superfluous parts. Many hardware manufacturers add extra doohickeys to their PCBs to make them look more impressive. A good rub on the floor will remove any unnecessary capacitors or silicon chips and give your new board that extra shine!
Now the add-in board is ready to install.
You should have already purchased an adequate case. I always pick the smallest case available with no extra frills like cooling fans. If electrical components are closer together, it makes sense that signals will reach their destinations faster, improving performance.
It's also good to make sure the case accumulates a lot of dust bunnies for insulation against intense cold and heat. I accelerate the process by collecting down feathers from my Amazon parrot. If there aren't enough naturally-moulted feathers available, plucking your parrot (or other fine, feathered friend) is a viable alternative.
Do you have spare change lying around? How about screws whose purpose you forgot? It's a good idea to throw them into the case to facilitate proper electrical conductivity. About three dollars in spare change (no quarters!) and 6-10 various-sized screws are optimal.
If your computer isn't already on, boot it. During this process, it is advisable to plug and unplug any PS/2 devices you may have to ensure proper connectivity. Also, while the hard drives are spinning, pick up the case and repeatedly drop it from a height of about 12 inches. This will settle the plates into their proper place and add a few extra performance RPMs.
While the system is on, remove the panel to gain access to the motherboard. (Be sure not to touch the chassis or you will get a nasty shock!)
Before you begin, you will need the following tools: a hammer, a chisel, a toothbrush, a bobby pin, an ice pick, four nails and a trebuchet.
Take a deep breath and use the hammer, chisel and icepick to remove any back panels that will interfere with the placement of your new add-in board. If the panel is stubborn, it might require a few rounds with the trebuchet. Likewise, use the tools to clear away wires and motherboard components that might interfere with the installation of your new card.
Line up the card with the slot and give it a few whacks with the hammer. If it doesn't seat firmly, use the bobby pin and four nails to secure it firmly to the motherboard. When you're finished, sweep up any accumulated debris with the toothbrush.
Your operating system should immediately recognize the new component and ask for the proper drivers. If it doesn't, locate a small jumper on your motherboard labeled CMOS and move it to the "CLEAR CMOS" position. Remember to do this while your system is ON. If the system isn't ON, it won't work.
Now you have a spiffy new piece of hardware. If you're lucky and if the hardware wasn't constructed by a bunch of monkeys wearing lab coats, you'll be good to go.
I hope this little essay removes any doubts as to my competence regarding the proper handling of hardware. Please, before you blame a person for their hardware woes, get to know a little bit about them, their history with hardware and their mad hardware-handling skillz.
Your obedient servant,
Ladyhawk
In order to restore my good name and to make sure my friends, family and clientele continue to have faith in me, I felt the need to write this post explaining exactly how I care for computer hardware. I'm sure once you've read it, you will see my hardware woes have nothing to do with me and everything to do with a combination of bad luck and shoddy components.
The first thing I do when I return home with a new add-in board is clean the board vigorously by rubbing it on the carpet for about thirty seconds. Not only does this clean the printed circuit board, it has the added benefit of improving electrical conductivity through electrostatic discharge. It will also remove any superfluous parts. Many hardware manufacturers add extra doohickeys to their PCBs to make them look more impressive. A good rub on the floor will remove any unnecessary capacitors or silicon chips and give your new board that extra shine!
Now the add-in board is ready to install.
You should have already purchased an adequate case. I always pick the smallest case available with no extra frills like cooling fans. If electrical components are closer together, it makes sense that signals will reach their destinations faster, improving performance.
It's also good to make sure the case accumulates a lot of dust bunnies for insulation against intense cold and heat. I accelerate the process by collecting down feathers from my Amazon parrot. If there aren't enough naturally-moulted feathers available, plucking your parrot (or other fine, feathered friend) is a viable alternative.
Do you have spare change lying around? How about screws whose purpose you forgot? It's a good idea to throw them into the case to facilitate proper electrical conductivity. About three dollars in spare change (no quarters!) and 6-10 various-sized screws are optimal.
If your computer isn't already on, boot it. During this process, it is advisable to plug and unplug any PS/2 devices you may have to ensure proper connectivity. Also, while the hard drives are spinning, pick up the case and repeatedly drop it from a height of about 12 inches. This will settle the plates into their proper place and add a few extra performance RPMs.
While the system is on, remove the panel to gain access to the motherboard. (Be sure not to touch the chassis or you will get a nasty shock!)
Before you begin, you will need the following tools: a hammer, a chisel, a toothbrush, a bobby pin, an ice pick, four nails and a trebuchet.
Take a deep breath and use the hammer, chisel and icepick to remove any back panels that will interfere with the placement of your new add-in board. If the panel is stubborn, it might require a few rounds with the trebuchet. Likewise, use the tools to clear away wires and motherboard components that might interfere with the installation of your new card.
Line up the card with the slot and give it a few whacks with the hammer. If it doesn't seat firmly, use the bobby pin and four nails to secure it firmly to the motherboard. When you're finished, sweep up any accumulated debris with the toothbrush.
Your operating system should immediately recognize the new component and ask for the proper drivers. If it doesn't, locate a small jumper on your motherboard labeled CMOS and move it to the "CLEAR CMOS" position. Remember to do this while your system is ON. If the system isn't ON, it won't work.
Now you have a spiffy new piece of hardware. If you're lucky and if the hardware wasn't constructed by a bunch of monkeys wearing lab coats, you'll be good to go.
I hope this little essay removes any doubts as to my competence regarding the proper handling of hardware. Please, before you blame a person for their hardware woes, get to know a little bit about them, their history with hardware and their mad hardware-handling skillz.
Your obedient servant,
Ladyhawk
