Secret Package Delivery Procedures Revealed

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Ever wonder why you never get your damn package on time or it always seems to get lost? Well, now that we have seen “page 13” from the express delivery manual, the mystery has finally been solved. Thanks to |\|1|\|j4 for the laugh.
 
I think that UPS has some kind of giant machine, similar to a clothes drier. It is filled with spikes, water sprayers, flame throwers, and the like. They throw in the packages and tumble them for a while.
 
DyNamiC. said:
I think that UPS has some kind of giant machine, similar to a clothes drier. It is filled with spikes, water sprayers, flame throwers, and the like. They throw in the packages and tumble them for a while.
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What you speak of is what we typically refer to as a "trailer" and/or "belt".
 
Around here they quietly sneak up to the door fast as possible. Drop your package at the front door, and sneak away. I think Santa Clause and the tooth fairy might of been ex-ups/usps delivery men.
 
I lived at an apartment where the UPS guy would walk to the door, ring the doorbell and immediatly turn and start walking back with the package. Even if I was on the couch and got to the door within 5 seconds he was already half way back to the truck.

At my house now its the same, but the guy just leaves the package at the doorstep which is better I guess.
 
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When I was expecting a UPS delivery that required signature, when I heard the doorbell ring, I ran downstairs like a mofo to the door to make sure the driver didn't run of. Fortunately, he waited the ~15-20 sec. it took for me to get to the door, slightly out of breath. :D
 
The UPS guy definitely just drops it off at my front door without ringing the door bell. The USPS and Fedex guys on the other hand at least ring the door bell before walking away after dropping off the package.
 
Had some parts for a fighting stick being delivered. I hear the truck, hear the guy running up my stairs, so I start walking towards the door. He reaches the top of the stairs and I hear a thud against my door, not even an attempt to knock. By the time I get the door open he is already at the truck and driving...I live in an apartment, my door is not near the stair, the guy chucked my package with about $75 dollar worth of parts at my door and bolted. To top it off, online with the tracker it said attempted to deliver, but no one was home so left at door. Luckily undamaged.
 
The UPS/Fedex/USPS guys around here don't even bother ringing the doorbell. I don't know I have a package until one of my roommates comes home and walks in with it.
 
westrock2000 said:
I lived at an apartment where the UPS guy would walk to the door, ring the doorbell and immediatly turn and start walking back with the package. Even if I was on the couch and got to the door within 5 seconds he was already half way back to the truck.

At my house now its the same, but the guy just leaves the package at the doorstep which is better I guess.


I don't know what the modern word for this is and know there has to be a better term, but when I was a kid we called doing that "n*gger knocking" (knocking and running).
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dingdong ditch lol
 
This is why I have all of my packages delivered to work now. They don't do that crap at a business address.
 
wtiger said:
This is why I have all of my packages delivered to work now. They don't do that crap at a business address.
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I've noticed that, yeah. Though they still sometimes decide to not drop by at all and call it a "delivery attempt". More like a "delivery no attempt".
 
reading this thread is funny. i bought a sweatshirt and shirt online almost 3 weeks ago now, paid for express 2 day shipping, and have heard no word or sign that its even on its way.
 
I've had it where UPS came to the door (I didn't hear a knock) and state that the residents moved even though I was right in the basement. We just moved in so there was no furniture in the room seen through the front window. I solved it by calling UPS and having them tell the driver to turn his @$$ around.
 
Bad employees exist with every company. I've had good and bad experience. Good ones include knocking, not leaving package at front door but in front of the car garage (behind trees from street view), and a plastic bag because of rain forecast.
 
i guess i had the nicest UPS guy. if no one answered the door he would walk around to my backyard and place the package on our back patio under one of the chairs. or if my car was outside he would just knock on the door and place the box under the chair on our front balcony. kinda surprised he'd do that since walking up the stairs at the front of that house was hell. completely against code because the steps are to short so it feels unnatural to walk up them.
 
My local UPS driver has a passion for old school WWF type wrestling. Generally I'll hear a thunder like rumble as my item is sent into the ropes and he piledrives it into my deck followed shortly by the sound of the truck starting up and racing off. I'm fortunate in that the guy that fills for him while he's on vacation just drops it the 3 or so feet to the deck.
 
The UPS driver around here likes to leave packages outside of random apartments. Twice in a fucking row. Once for my monitor and once for my HS1s. Next time it happens some poor UPS rep is getting an earful. This is an unsecured apartment building. You're not supposed to just leave packages laying around.
 
FedEx loves to try and deliver packages to work on Saturday. They know we aren't open, they know we are a business. They are literally there every weekday delivering shit, they know nobody is there. However, they still try to deliver Saturday, which then causes a mess up, and they have to process it on Monday, then deliver Tuesday. They just cannot seem to understand not to try Saturday delivery, I don't know why.

UPS likes to be even stupider. Got in a big fight with them once, they had a big monitor to drop off and the driver was lazy and didn't want to take it off the truck so he marked that the "Address was wrong." I called them up and raised hell, they verified that other deliveries had been made there, and said he'd be back later. I sat waiting (after normal hours) he never showed. Called them up, said he said nobody was there. I told them I had security footage showing that nobody had ever even come up to the door.

Of course the next day, well it was still his route and the monitor was still there, so his lazy ass had to deliver it. Not sure what he thought he'd accomplish.
 
That's why I refuse to use UPS since they do the things that everyone has commented thus far. I call off of work to wait for an important delivery, and later in the afternoon, I'm wondering where they're at, I go to check for my regular mail and noticed that a "sorry we missed you" sticker was placed on my door next to the door bell. FedEx is pretty good and on time, even though they're a bit more expensive, I'll still stick with FedEx. After all, it did save Tom Hank's life in Cast Away :D
 
The UPS driver around here likes to leave packages outside of random apartments. Twice in a fucking row. Once for my monitor and once for my HS1s. Next time it happens some poor UPS rep is getting an earful. This is an unsecured apartment building. You're not supposed to just leave packages laying around.
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report them Right away always, as it may not be the same driver every time,(do not be an dick if it was your fault thought) that stuff does not seem to happen that often in the uk norm due to the give the company an good reason to Fire him only need 3 damaged items for that to happen (norm just log it and if is an arse later on or need job cuts to happen he go first)

the nock and run is stupid, should norm wait 30-60 secs before departing back to the van

or not bothering to drop the item off due to traffic or other issues as well (other post about UPS driver saying address incorrect most likely was late doing all the deliverers, they get marked down for not delivering all there items in that day but not if they make it an customer fault, make sure you tell UPS or who ever was delivering to mark the driver as deliver not attempt by driver so they get marked down for it)
 
Haven't had a problem with UPS or FEDex in any recent memory. The USPS on the other hand.... you're lucky if you even get a "we missed you" note. I recently ran into this situation. I checked the status online and it said an attempt was made. But not on my door or mail box was a slip. So I send 3 emails to the USPS on three different days, 2 weeks apart. No reply. The day after the delivery I go to the post office and the SUPER FRIENDLY ***** behind the desk basically gives me the bird.

THANK GOD Amazon ROCKS! They resent the package via UPS express and I received my product with no issues at all.
 
Happened to me once. I was home the whole day and I could have swore no one came. But they claim that they had attempted a delivery and I was not home.
 
lol, I've never had this problem with UPS or FedEX Air, but DHL and FedEX were notorious for this in my area. DHL would leave packages worth an easy $500 or more on my front step in my apartments without knocking and notifying me.

And FedEx ground would drive by the first two attempts without trying my door and on the third day, they would stop and drop my package off. And then after I moved, I purchased some bicycle wheels, they drive by my new house, ask some neighbors if they knew where i lived and delivered them to my old address. I had to go through my CC to get my money back cause the seller would not initiate the process for the claim.
 
My experience is more like the UPS guy acts like a baseball base runner leading off to sprint away from just close enough to ring the doorbell and takes off like Usain Bolt with my package that requires signature.

Someone should make a parody video of this crap.
 
sirmonkey1985 said:
i guess i had the nicest UPS guy. if no one answered the door he would walk around to my backyard and place the package on our back patio under one of the chairs. or if my car was outside he would just knock on the door and place the box under the chair on our front balcony. kinda surprised he'd do that since walking up the stairs at the front of that house was hell. completely against code because the steps are to short so it feels unnatural to walk up them.
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Same here, except the UPS guy that delivers to my house will leave packages in the carport at the back door if no one answers the front (nothing in the carport anyway so nothing to jack).

My parents had one unpleasant experience with their UPS guy when they caught him using the driveway as a shortcut to get from one neighborhood to the next. Nearly got him fired, too.
 
I have a friend who used to be a UPS driver. They really ride those guys hard to get the million packages in the back of their trucks delivered before they get to go home. Some of them had to work really long days. Thats why they don't waste any time at your door. I'm not saying that it's ok to treat your packages like crap or do dumb stuff but the way some of these companies are run just breeds this kind of stuff. Kind of like how the cable company schedules 10 appointments for a tech in a 8 hour day knowing that even the best tech can't get them all done. I'm just saying it isn't always the driver's fault. My friend worked there before the economic collapse so I imagine that it's probably worse now.
 
There are a lot of drivers in my building that are working until 7-8pm before we see the cars come back to the hub. Generally I see 4-10 packages, per car, that have come back with a service cross (not delivered). I guess they're getting mad OT, but I would never want to be a driver.
 
We have a nicer UPS guy at home, usually knocks if he sees the door open but its a nice neighborhood and the houses arent right next to each other so its safe to leave shit at the front door. The problem is the overall handling process is rougher, and I would definitely ship with Fedex for anything serious. USPS like to be a dick occasionally too, and their tracking kinda sucks in my opinion.
 
sirmonkey1985 said:
i guess i had the nicest UPS guy. if no one answered the door he would walk around to my backyard and place the package on our back patio under one of the chairs. or if my car was outside he would just knock on the door and place the box under the chair on our front balcony. kinda surprised he'd do that since walking up the stairs at the front of that house was hell. completely against code because the steps are to short so it feels unnatural to walk up them.
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Mine will talk with my mother for 5 minutes after delivering a package. I'm not sure how they do it as I thought UPS drivers had to make a delivery every 2 minutes although that could be based on area (I would assume since UPS drivers are employed by UPS and not a contractor, that the policies are the same).
 
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